This weekend, our youngest turns three. Last weekend we celebrated with a birthday party. After cleaning up the party, Ben and I were reminiscing about his birth story, and started laughing about some of the details we had almost forgotten. Now, for those who know me well, know that some sort of "political" or "controversial" post on this blog is inevitable. So today, in sharing Hudson's birth story, I am going to talk about how the "skin to skin breastfeeding importance" community can take it down a couple of notches. This will be fun. Disclaimer: I think skin to skin time is obviously significant and wonderful. I think breastfeeding is awesome and beneficial. I think formula feeding is awesome and beneficial.
Since my children have huge heads, we learned the hard way with Dassah's birth, that I needed to have C-Sections to stay alive. Since Hudson was my third time around, I felt mentally prepared and ready. Before going into surgery, I met one of the main nurses. A lovely, very motherly woman. A woman whom I could tell within the first five minutes was very into holistic methods. I am telling you. Nothing will make you feel better heading into your c-section than a nice woman patting your hand and giving you a look that says, "I am so sorry you can't do this the right way". Was I a little nervous this woman wouldn't follow through with giving me IBUPROFEN after being cut open and insist on just using oils? A teeney bit. She made a very big deal about how important it would be to get the baby right "on me" after birth because skin to skin is so important. I knew this, but when you have a C-Section, there is a small window where the doctor needs to put things back together. When Jaymis was born, Ben had done skin to skin with him while I was in recovery. I was happy that they were going to figure out how to have Hudson with me right away. The c-section went well. Hudson came out perfect at 8lbs, screaming his head off. He was so cute and squishy and we were all relieved. As promised, that nurse got him right "on me". For those of you who don't know, when you have a c-section, you are literally strapped down on a table. Your arms are strapped down, and there is a big curtain hanging down right above your chest. The nurse somewhat laid the baby on my way upper chest/neck area. At first, it was wonderful. But then, I started to feel all the things. Like, the doctor either taking things out or putting things back in, who knows. The blood rushing to my head. The nurse got distracted and was looking away (while still massaging the baby into me) , and Ben was fiddling with the camera taking pictures, looking at pictures, checking Facebook...I don't know. All I know is, all of the sudden this 8lb baby was on the side of my face and I felt like I was being crushed. I swear the nurse said, "bond with the baby" as she pressed him into my face. I wanted "it" off my face. I remember half whispering..."BEN!".....and then half yelling, "BEN!!!" Ben leaned down and asked what I needed. I muffled as best as I could get out, "I CANT BREATHE!" . I could tell my somewhat shy husband felt weird telling the nurse..."Uh...she wants to take the baby off of her face..." but he managed the words. What a relief it was. We had plenty of time to "bond" after that. Now, whenever my giant three year old climbs all over me and juts his elbows into every part of me, I can still hear that nurses almost demonic voice chanting in my head....."BOND WITH THE BABY....." People. Your baby will still love you if their skin is not attached to yours within the first half hour after giving birth. Let's all give the mom's a bit of space and room to breathe if they need it. Lord knows they won't ever have it again after going home.
On night two at the hospital, Ben was at home with our kids and I was up at 1am enjoying my time with my new guy. Except, he was super fussy. I nursed all of my kids from the get go, and never had problems with it. However, I had this weird mom feeling he was "hungry", since my milk always takes around 3 days to come in. Now, I know that all the infant needs in those first few days is the colostrum and that whole sch-peel. Blame it on the hormones and fatigue, but I just really wanted to give my baby a bottle. I remember being so nervous to ask, because I knew the response I would get. I tried to wait it out, I tried to pump a little bottle, I tried to just calm him down on my own. Finally, I tip toed out into the hallway and asked a nurse, "Could I please get a little bottle for my guy?". She looked at me, gave a dramatic "sigh" and said, "That is really frowned upon." I could have cried. I just kind of looked at her and said okay, and went back to my room. The nurse came in about half hour later with a bottle and said, "I guess it's your choice". I took the bottle from her shamefully like I had just asked for a line of crack cocaine or something. As Huddy Buddy guzzled down his chemical concoction, I started to seethe. I am pretty sure I texted my "thunder stealing" friend Laura at 3am telling her about "the nerve" of this nurse. Now that I really know my Hudson (who as I write this had to be scolded to stop licking the butter dish) I believe he was hungry that night, and am glad I listened to my mom-intuition. The next morning, a new nurse who had heard the rumor that I gave my baby crack, gave me a lecture on how the hospital is trying really hard to have an awesome rating of being the top nursing hospital in the area. Seriously? I think I speak for most moms, when I say, we don't really care about that number. We just want sleep, a not crying baby, and nice nurses who give us bottles if we ask.
After reliving Hudson's story, I got cranky all over again. I know there is this huge trend about not shaming breast feeding moms in public, which I am all "whoo-hoo" about to a point. But I am sorry to all the mom's out there who have ever been "shamed" for feeding their child a bottle of formula. I don't even care if the reason is breastfeeding didn't work for you, breastfeeding worked fine for me and I still wanted to give my kid a bottle, and that is A-Okay.
Ben and I have a whole uneducated theory on this. Actually, Ben has his own very in depth theory on this saying that if nursing is as crazy beneficial as they say it is, we should see a starker contrast in society among adults who were breast fed vs. formula fed, and we don't see that. We are like the perfect living experiment. I was bottle fed formula right from the get-go, and he was nursed for a whole year. We both have ridiculous loving mothers, and are very close to them. Neither of us seems more healthy than the other. Actually, Ben has more sinus issues, so there is that. He is more organized, athletic and is the breadwinner of the family. I am more social, read more books and scored higher on my A.C.T.S. We have yet to be convinced that one method of feeding is better than the other, contrary to what all of science tells us, (we are radical like that). I can't even get on board with the idea that it "keeps your baby healthier and gives them your immunities" because my first born nursing baby was so sick all the time. We think both serve the same purpose, and we truly don't think one method is better than the other. Call us crazy.
So. To all you wonderful nurses out there, and mom's to be, let's just not crush each other with the weight of what "we think" is right. The moral of this whole story is, don't push babies into peoples faces, and give them bottles when they need it. Oh, and happy third birthday to my hungry little guy, who still cries for snacks.Labels: Stories to Laugh at
