My grandparents passed away and I have been really wanting to write something sentimental and moving and "deep". I haven't been able to come up with anything. However, there has been a shirt circling my newsfeed amongst the 3 billion boutiques advertised that has been really "irking" me. And it must be addressed. Disclaimer: I think Chip and Joanna are lovely people. I like everything about them. I realize this shirt is meant to be figurative, and not literal. but it's still annoying and I am about to tell you why.
Now that we have the air cleared, let's continue. This shirt that states, "Love me like Chip loves Jo" is a product of a very big problem amongst our social media driven society. I could get theological and talk about how we should be selling shirts that say, "Love me like Christ loves the Church" but we are going to keep it nice and simple and secular like everbody likes things these days. We are obsessed with other peoples lives. Yours truly being guilty as well. We scroll pinterest, facebook, instagram and assume all these women are leading more beautiful lives with adoring husbands and it feeds our discontentment. Discontentment is an age old struggle that has been around since the beginning of time, Solomon experienced discontent, and that guy had "it all". There are a million other people who have written fabulous posts about this problem and we are all aware of our unhealthy technology habits. Today I will just focus on the problem of this shirt and it's slogan. First, are you a "Joanna"? Do you bring in extra millions of dollars to support your family thru all of your ventures, do you write cookbooks, make homemade meals, grow a garden, tear down a home and rebuild it in two hours and decorate it while writing a book? No? Well then, is it really fair to ask your husband to love you like Jo? I don't know about you all, but I would laugh and roll my eyes and act like I don't care if my husband wore a shirt that said, "Love me like Giselle loves Tom" but on the inside, I would secretly be a teeney bit insecure that my husband is bummed I am not a gorgeous super model and I would also be thinking, "Well honey, you are far from being a Tom". Why on earth are we asking our spouses to love us like anyone else,other than ourselves? I am so blessed to have a husband who loves me for the scatterbrained, impulsive and selfish person I can be at times (crooked teeth and everything). If my husband loved me like Chip loves Jo, it wouldn't work. I get this feeling that Chip and Jo must even think these shirts are slightly odd. We get these unrealistic expectations in our brains of things we THINK we deserve or ways we THINK we should be treated that truly sabotage our relationships. We stop focusing on how we can serve others, and become focused on our own selfish wants and desires. (For more on unrealistic expectations and how they will wreck your marriage visit Amanda Davison on facebook, she writes and coaches on this topic). For example. A few months ago, someone in my newsfeed had the fabulous blessing of her signifigant other serving her a heart shaped pancake for her morning breakfast. Immediately, my brain thinks, "Well no one has ever brought ME a heart shaped pancake!" Lucky for me, I was spending the morning with my friend Jen, who is a realist. Everyone needs a friend like Jen, who will speak truth to you. Jen looked at me in all her seriousness and said, "Danya, we are never going to get heart shaped pancakes, YOU are never going to get a heart shaped pancake." It kind of felt like I was in an episode of Friends and she was harsh Monica having an intervention with ditzy Rachel. Or how about that scene in My Best Friends Wedding, when Cameron Diaz is crying that she, "NEEDs to be jello" but Julia Roberts is saying, "You are NEVER GOING TO BE JELLO!". It's just like that, (such a classic right?) Bless my friend who gets the heart shaped pancake, but my spouse and I have a different love. Instead I have a husband who shows his love to me by pumping the septic tank in below zero weather, who fixes EVERYTHING that breaks, who works hard so we can live in a comfortable home, who takes my kids fishing and skiing and can build beautiful things out of wood and fix everyones computers, and I chose to love him like "Danya loves Ben". I loved learning about my grandparents unique history and how they fell in love and chose to stay together even when times were tough. We should all try to revel in our unique love story. Friends, if we were to actually live other peoples lives, we would see, its all similar. I would bet money that Chip does really annoying things like chomps on his chips really loud while Jo is trying to grow her hollistic garden of magical herbs or whatever it is that she does in her free time. And God bless Jo for loving him like Chip in that moment. So please, save your money. Don't wear a shirt asking your husband to love you like Chip loves Jo. Go love your spouse and family for the people God made them to be. Today I am your friend Jen, and I am telling you this. I MIGHT someday get a heart shaped pancake, but you will never be Jo and your husband is not Chip Gaines. Don't ask your husband to be Chip Gaines, who knows, he might even be cooler than Chip. However you won't be able to see it if you are wearing a shirt wishing he was someone else.Labels: Thoughts on Life
